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Parent Mentor's resources, tips and ideas to help guide your child through school and beyond.
How Parent Mentors Work with Families
TERRI'S TIPS |
Parent Mentors share ideas and resources with one another on a daily basis. Terri Goodridge, mom of a young son receiving special education related services and a Bibb County Parent Mentor, files our parents’ tips in categories, so she can share information. |  |
BEREAVEMENT
Information, Suggestions and Advice
Pets |
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Often times, the very first experience with a death for many children can be a pet. For many families, this can be a “touchy” matter; especially if it is the family dog. If it is a small pet, like a hamster or a fish, the parent may decide to dispose of the animal before the child realizes it and then tell the child a story about why the pet had to go away. While it might seem a bit deceptive, these stories come from good intentions and frankly, do sound like nice and sweet explanations. |
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However, if parent uses this opportunity to gently “introduce” the child to death, it can be an endearing way of explaining it in an honest and simple way. This can be of enormous help in preparation for the death of a human family member down the line. |
Some ideas are to help the child make a card or memory album. If the choice is to bury the pet, then involve the family members in finding a special rock to use as the headstone. Maybe even paint the pet’s name on the rock. Say a prayer together to lay the pet to rest. |
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Relative/Friend |
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If your child’s first experience with death involves a close family member or friend, it is important not to hide the situation from the child. As parents it is only natural for us to want to protect our children. However, this will only leave more questions, confusion, and misconceptions about death for the child. It is appropriate for chidren to see parents and family members express the emotions of grief and sadness. As much as we may think that “pretending” things are okay when they clearly are not, will help shield a child, it will not. children will feel and sense the changes, whether they have a disability or not. |
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I particularly liked a quote from the article “Helping Children cope with Bereavement” on www.netmums.com: “ Children need to know that it is okay to be upset and to cry when something sad happens, but you must ensure you explain to your child why you are upset: “I’m so sad that granny has died. We cry when we feel sad, don’t we?" |
I recall being barely 11 years-old when my grandfather died. It was a difficult time for everyone and was my first true experience with a close loved one passing away. While at the viewing the night before the funeral, I recall standing next to my sister at the entrance to the viewing room. I am looking from across the room at my grandfather lying in a casket. I was speechless and thought, “This does not look like him.” There was sadness all around and my grandmother completely drowning in her sorrow. Some relatives came up and pushed me (in what they thought was a loving manner) towards the casket saying things like, “Come on now, come say a prayer and your good byes”. I was totally unprepared and felt angry that they had forced me to do this when I was not ready. I remember thinking that I should have been able to deal with this my own way; even at age 11.
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RESOURCE
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A fantastic website called the Child Bereavement Charity. It has a page and some resources specific to special needs and grief. |
BOOKS
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I found that regardless of whether or not we have a child with a special need, these books will be very helpful! Consider your child’s emotional and intellectual “level” and choose the book(s) wisely and accordingly. Chronological age does not also determine our choices; rather consider your child as an individual when making selections. |
Books For Children
BADGER’S PARTING GIFT, Susan Varlet
HEAVEN, Nicholas Allen
WE WERE GONNA HAVE A BABY, BUT WE HAD AN ANGEL INSTEAD, Pat Schwiebert
A STAR FOR BOBBY, Helen Keenor
ETHAN’S BUTTERFLIES, Christine Jonas-Simpson
WHEN DINOSAURS DIE: A GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING DEATH, L.C. Brown & M. Brown
LIFETIMES: THE BEAUTIFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN DEATH TO CHILDREN, B. Mellonie
WHERE’S JESS? , M. Johnson
Books for Adults to Help their Child
WATERBUGS AND DRAGONFLIES: EXPLAINING DEATH TO YOUNG CHILDREN, Doris Stickney
GRIEF IN CHILDREN: A HANDBOOK FOR ADULTS, Atle Dyregrov
WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE DIES?, Trevor Romain
WHEN SOMEONE DIES: QUESTIONS CHILDREN ASK ABOUT BEREAVEMENT AND GRIEF, Tracey Cusick, Simon Hepworth and Caroline Turner
TALKING WITH CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE ABOUT DEATH AND DYING, Mary Turner
